When times are tough, or things go wrong, or new challenges come into our lives, it’s easy to slip into a negative mindset and focus too much on the struggle.
Here are some practices I’ve learned that help direct thought and action toward pursuing the positive rather than avoiding the negative. These small changes can make the challenges of life feel less overwhelming, and help sustain confidence and hope.
1. Use positive vocabulary
We’ve all heard the advice: Find something to be grateful for each day. Training yourself to regularly notice the good makes a big difference in the way life feels. But did you know that a subtle shift in how you state those observations—the vocabulary you use—can make them even more powerful?
If cloudy, rainy days depress me, and on sunny days, in an effort to be positive, the voice in my head says I’m glad it’s not raining, the primary concept in my mind is Rain. Which I don’t like. It’s depressing.
But if I use words that focus on what I like, I’m glad it’s sunny today, I’ve put a positive image front and center in my mind. Sunshine.
In the same way, if I’m trying to learn something new or change a behavior, it’s more helpful to keep the desired positive outcome first in mind: Keep your eye on the ball VS. Don’t miss the ball.
Notice the words you use to describe your situation. Practice giving them a more positive slant. Replace “It’s NOT” phrases with “It IS” phrases, and “Don’t” statements with “Do” statements.
2. List successes
Take a few minutes to list things you do well. Things you’re good at. Things people have recognized or complimented or thanked you for. Identify areas of your life that you feel competent to handle, no matter how small.
Having a go-to list like this in your back pocket can help when the negative gets too intense. Mentally pull out that list and remind yourself what you are capable of, what you do do well, what you have accomplished. The simple act of remembering a success, pulls your mind away from that darkness and reminds you that life, the world, and most importantly, you, aren’t all bad.
3. Redirect blanket statements
While noticing mistakes that need to be corrected is important, the language you use can be damaging if it’s not specific to the event.
When you trip and drop something, the reaction I am so clumsy is very different from I was distracted and my mind wasn’t on what I was doing.
Absolutes and blanket statements that define you, as stupid or clumsy or useless, shut a door and trap you in a negative place with little hope. Because “who we are” feels unchangeable. But is that adjective really what defines you? Always? In everything you do? Probably not.
Putting your attention on what happened in a specific circumstance keeps that door open. By changing blanket statements to accurate descriptions of the immediate circumstances—I dropped the glass because my mind was already on to the next task. I wasn’t paying attention. I’m trying to do too many things at once.—you can train yourself to focus on behaviors. Things you can change. And reinforce the positive sense that there are things in your life within your control.
4. Acknowledge a bad reality
Bad days and bumps in the road are normal. They don’t necessarily mean you’ve failed or there’s something you have to fix.
But while learning to recognize the good is crucial, the bad may still as bad as you feel it is. It isn’t “not that bad” because there is still good in your life. Acknowledge the bad experience. Label your emotions. Say it out loud: This sucks! I don’t like this. It hurts. It’s scary. I feel trapped, I feel lost. This can help you process it, understand your reactions, accept them, and either press on through something that’s outside of your control, or recognize something that you can change.
Then try not to get stuck there. Put it in perspective. Don’t let it bleed over the good stuff and smother you. Acknowledge that the good and bad can and do exist together. Then go back through steps 1-3 and remind yourself of anything good in your life at this moment, no matter how small.
5. Live by your own realistic standards
Getting to the point where you can stop comparing yourself to others, and only rate yourself against your own beliefs, reduces the sense of having to prove yourself, and of being governed by forces outside of your control. Even when you feel you’re not quite living up to your own standards, the sense of being in control of your own life lightens the burden.
Learning to appreciate results that are less than perfect, and approve of our own efforts, is a huge step toward a more positive existence
6. Set smaller goals
Practice achieving small, simple things. Break down big, overwhelming goals into small, specific steps. Then allow yourself time to address them one by one. Don’t listen to the voice in your head that tells you it’s not enough, it’s too little too late, it’s not worth the effort because you should be doing more. Tune that voice out out like a child tunes out his mother when chores are involved.
Consistent accomplishment of small things ensures that no matter what else happens, at the end of the day you can point back to at least one success. Over time, these small proofs accumulate into a more positive view of ourselves.
7. Drown out excuses with action
Motivation does not materialize out of nowhere. There will always be a reason not to do something. Excuses are easy. Sitting still is easy. The only way to generate motivation is to move. Do one small thing. By your own choice.
Shut off that part of your brain that immobilizes you under a list of excuses. Bring your attention to the external, physical world. Do the thing. Be present in the action. Experience being part of and influencing your environment. Then recognize the result.
Approving of and appreciating our own visible results makes conquering the next hurdle more appealing.
Balance and Progress
No one’s life is all good or all bad. Every day is a different mix. The overall tone of your existence depends on the kind of mindset you choose to keep front and center in your life.
It’s easy to fall off the wagon when things get tough. Living a happy life is not about never falling. It’s about learning to continually pick yourself up.
I’ve found that putting effort into these practices, training myself to turn negative inertia around and make positive language and mindset part of every day, gives me a powerful tool to rely on when I need that pick-me-up.
Check out these inspiring words from Admiral William H McRaven, on the value of small actions every day:
See the entire 2014 University of Texas Commencement Address about Changing the World here:
