The Happy Path – Kathy Paras

It’s not how hard you can pull. It’s how easily you can let go.

Years ago, I learned a Taoist meditation called the Water Method*. Standing quietly, eyes closed, you bring your attention to your physical experience and learn to find, and eventually relax or “dissolve," tension and blockages. The more you practice, the more deeply you begin to feel, physically as well as emotionally. A while back, I took a moment to stand on my deck on a pleasant evening and try it again. I was out of practice and it took effort to stay focused. But after a few minutes, I found a knot of tension in my mid-upper back. It felt…

7 Practices for More Positivity

When times are tough, or things go wrong, or new challenges come into our lives, it's easy to slip into a negative mindset and focus too much on the struggle. Here are some practices I've learned that help direct thought and action toward pursuing the positive rather than avoiding the negative. These small changes can make the challenges of life feel less overwhelming, and help sustain confidence and hope. 1. Use positive vocabulary We've all heard the advice: Find something to be grateful for each day. Training yourself to regularly notice the good makes a big difference in the way…

Holding on Too Tight

Early in the 1986 movie “Top Gun”, fighter pilot Cougar finds himself in an intense confrontation with the enemy and freezes up. He struggles to safely bring the plane back to the aircraft carrier and nearly crashes. He’s become unable to take the risks necessary to do his job because he is worried about his wife and child—what will happen to them if he is killed. He turns in his wings, with the explanation “I’m holding on too tight. I’ve lost the edge.” When things aren’t going too badly, when I’ve found a vanilla routine without too many discomforts, especially…

Accepting the Truth Feels Better Than Fighting It

In a way we are all actors, showing people only what we want them to see, what we want them to believe. Even working to distract and deceive ourselves. Many of us do the job so well, we end up going through the routine of our lives wearing blinders. Like horses pulling carriages in Central Park, strategically blinded to all but what is necessary to get us through the task at hand. If we live that way too long, we may forget there is any other way. We may be in that tightly focused, narrow lane of life because of…

Life Skills We Didn’t All Get

Have you ever felt like the only one who doesn’t get it? Like others instinctively navigate the basics of life and you constantly struggle to catch up? Constantly struggle and fail? Like there’s something fundamentally different about you? How much time and energy have you spent wondering why you’re such a misfit or fighting to just get through each day the best you can because, well, this is just the way things are for you? The good news is that these experiences do not mean there is something permanently wrong with you. There may simply be a few basic concepts…

Push Through Discomfort

Life is not supposed to be pleasant, comfortable, sunny all the time. Without challenge and discomfort we have no path to growth and improvement. Without continued growth and improvement, we are not living. We are on the bench. Sitting this one out. Where did so many of us get the idea that the tiniest discomfort must be fixed or avoided at all costs? Why is it so tempting to keep sitting on the couch watching other people live, instead of walking outside and trying it ourselves? One possibility: Inappropriately interpreting normal discomforts as threats to survival. Feelings of physical discomfort…

3 Reasons to Stop Avoiding Mistakes

Do you find yourself paralyzed or avoiding things because you’re not confident you’ll do it right? Are you waiting until the time feels right, or until you are ready to take on a certain task or participate in an activity? Do you berate yourself when you make simple mistakes, or flood with shame when others see you do something wrong or see you stuck without the right answer? If negative feelings like this are familiar to you, consider these three reasons why developing a healthier attitude toward mistakes can transform your life. 1. Mistakes are normal and necessary for learning…

Daily Action Builds Confidence

Visible change in our physical environment, achieved through our own hands, has profound benefit. The deep down knowledge that we can have a positive effect, that we have done something for ourselves, to see to our own survival or to make our existence more pleasant is empowering. We are physical beings, an integral part of the natural world. If we are not manifesting physically, each day, some expression of our unique being, we are not truly living. Healthy effort is appropriate and productive. An authentic attitude of ‘What can I do to affect and improve my situation and surroundings? and…

Is Your Understanding of Yourself and Your Reality Accurate?

Did you know that much of what we think of as our inherent personality—beliefs, attitudes, reactions—is not permanent? The human mind is so powerful, it can create its own reality. Tell itself a story and make itself believe. We do this to alleviate discomfort. To make sense of things we don’t understand. We do it to survive. And for the most part we are not conscious of the self-deceptions that began early in life. In adulthood, some of the things we still allow to control and define us are no longer appropriate. Some were never true. They were the invention…

Darkness is Temporary

Sometimes life throws you a curve and you can jump right back up. Sometimes you crawl slowly to your knees and then stand. But once in a while, life just smacks you upside the head and knocks you back into a pit of mud. And you just have to sit there. With the wind knocked out of you. In the mud. Letting it soak in and chill you to the bone. You need to learn to breathe again. Gather your strength. Eventually you will get up. You will push on. You will walk again. And one day, you will run.…