Life is not supposed to be pleasant, comfortable, sunny all the time. Without challenge and discomfort we have no path to growth and improvement. Without continued growth and improvement, we are not living. We are on the bench. Sitting this one out.
Where did so many of us get the idea that the tiniest discomfort must be fixed or avoided at all costs?
Why is it so tempting to keep sitting on the couch watching other people live, instead of walking outside and trying it ourselves?
One possibility: Inappropriately interpreting normal discomforts as threats to survival.
Feelings of physical discomfort and negative emotions like fear and anger are part of our animal make-up. They serve our survival. Hunger drives us to find food. The heat on our skin keeps us from getting too close to the fire. But in a world where most of our physical needs are securely met, we can still experience threats to our survival.
We may have learned to associate a particular discomfort or challenge or uncertainty with rejection, criticism, or feelings of inadequacy. On a psychological level, these reactions can generate fear of not being accepted by our tribe, or feel like an inability to care for our basic needs.
In an effort to protect ourselves and ensure our survival, we build up resistance to anything that evokes physical discomfort or uncertainty. We avoid, ignore, repress, and end up locking ourselves in a protective shell—our comfort zone.
Sometimes we can sink so low that almost anything we touch or feel sparks panic, failure, doom. And it’s impossible to learn and grow when we are in fear for our survival.
You are not unhappy because life is challenging.
You’re unhappy because you haven’t learned a healthy way to handle challenges.
We all have the ability to change. But it takes self-discipline and willingness to push through challenges and discomfort.
It’s always easier to sit still than to make yourself get up and move. The familiar, no matter how painful is always more comfortable than the unknown.
Be open to the fact that you may need to re-evaluate your interpretations of blocking discomforts.
Learn to evaluate the risks realistically. To distinguish those discomforts that need to be confronted, understood and overcome, from genuine threats to your survival or risky behavior that can truly harm you.
Most importantly, don’t get discouraged when you crest the ridge you thought was the last, only to find another one ahead. As long as you’re still breathing, there will be more climbing to do. Realizing and accepting this feels like the dawning of a new consciousness, like someone finally turned on the light and you can see the world clearly. Wow, that’s what life is! There is not something wrong, or wrong with me. This is the way it’s supposed to be. I just need to learn to handle it differently.
It’s okay to find a rock and sit down to rest for a while. Take the opportunity to look back and survey how far you’ve come. Every time you push yourself to do something uncomfortable and survive, you are re-training yourself to believe that it’s okay, that it will not destroy you, that you can get to the other side.
Take the time to look back and tell yourself Good job! You did it! You survived! Look at what went well and show yourself some appreciation. Then see what you can learn from the experience. What can you build on or do differently next time to make it even better?
Your fears and hesitation represent where you are today. You have complete control over how you move forward and who you become in order to do that. You have the power to make it better. You have the power to understand why you are where you are, to broaden your awareness, your consciousness, your perception of life. You have the power to become a person who can face discomfort and handle the challenges ahead.
