Accepting & Letting Go

It’s not how hard you can pull. It’s how easily you can let go.

Years ago, I learned a Taoist meditation called the Water Method*. Standing quietly, eyes closed, you bring your attention to your physical experience and learn to find, and eventually relax or “dissolve," tension and blockages. The more you practice, the more deeply you begin to feel, physically as well as emotionally. A while back, I took a moment to stand on my deck on a pleasant evening and try it again. I was out of practice and it took effort to stay focused. But after a few minutes, I found a knot of tension in my mid-upper back. It felt…

Holding on Too Tight

Early in the 1986 movie “Top Gun”, fighter pilot Cougar finds himself in an intense confrontation with the enemy and freezes up. He struggles to safely bring the plane back to the aircraft carrier and nearly crashes. He’s become unable to take the risks necessary to do his job because he is worried about his wife and child—what will happen to them if he is killed. He turns in his wings, with the explanation “I’m holding on too tight. I’ve lost the edge.” When things aren’t going too badly, when I’ve found a vanilla routine without too many discomforts, especially…

Accepting the Truth Feels Better Than Fighting It

In a way we are all actors, showing people only what we want them to see, what we want them to believe. Even working to distract and deceive ourselves. Many of us do the job so well, we end up going through the routine of our lives wearing blinders. Like horses pulling carriages in Central Park, strategically blinded to all but what is necessary to get us through the task at hand. If we live that way too long, we may forget there is any other way. We may be in that tightly focused, narrow lane of life because of…

3 Reasons to Stop Avoiding Mistakes

Do you find yourself paralyzed or avoiding things because you’re not confident you’ll do it right? Are you waiting until the time feels right, or until you are ready to take on a certain task or participate in an activity? Do you berate yourself when you make simple mistakes, or flood with shame when others see you do something wrong or see you stuck without the right answer? If negative feelings like this are familiar to you, consider these three reasons why developing a healthier attitude toward mistakes can transform your life. 1. Mistakes are normal and necessary for learning…

Darkness is Temporary

Sometimes life throws you a curve and you can jump right back up. Sometimes you crawl slowly to your knees and then stand. But once in a while, life just smacks you upside the head and knocks you back into a pit of mud. And you just have to sit there. With the wind knocked out of you. In the mud. Letting it soak in and chill you to the bone. You need to learn to breathe again. Gather your strength. Eventually you will get up. You will push on. You will walk again. And one day, you will run.…

It’s Okay to Be Where You Are

Wherever you are right now, today, in your emotional state, in your ability to handle life… It’s okay. It makes sense. There’s a reasonable explanation. For how happy you are. For what you are able to handle compared to other people. For what you know and don’t yet know. But “I am who I am” only applies right now, in this moment. It’s not an excuse to stay there. Stasis is death A lesson I learned recently from fiction writing—If a character is not growing and changing, the story will not work. The same is true in life. There is…