“Happiness comes from the inside”
“Be true to yourself”
We hear phrases like this all the time. But how many of us know how to make them reality? Our reality?
Each of us is a unique and complete being. From the moment of birth, a brand new, living spark incorporated into an amazing, beautiful, complicated world. With the inherent privilege to experience it. And the opportunity to contribute something no one else ever can.
While we all have equal value, equal right to take up the space we occupy, and equal opportunity to contribute something special, we don’t have equal circumstances. We don’t get to choose the environment, the era, the family we are born into.
Our world is an imperfect, unfair place. Filled with flawed people. A whole lot of chance. And circumstances beyond our control.
Mixed up with our unique talents, ideas, and capacities, is our own set of flaws and challenges.
But we have within us all that we need to face those challenges. It may take hard work. We may need to learn new skills. We may try and fail and try again. This doesn’t mean we are inadequate to handle life. It means we are actively living.
Life is about learning to navigate external circumstances by adapting and growing into the best version of you.
If you choose to hide your true self, keep it only for you, in private, or bury it so deep that you forget who that really is… you forfeit the challenge. You risk becoming a tool for others, or an empty shell just taking up space until the end. You cannot be truly happy this way.
And the world will have missed out on something very special.
Are you actively living or hiding to survive?
There are many ways we avoid revealing and expressing our true selves. Not giving our true opinion when asked. Going along with what someone else says or wants, when we disagree. Saying we like something we don’t like, in order to not upset someone.
Have you ever felt like a force inside is physically stopping you from saying what you want to say, tensing your body, keeping you silent instead of letting you express your true opinion? Preventing you from saying no when you want to say no? Or a sense of threat—that people or circumstances can make you do something you don’t want to do?
The first step to changing these behaviors is to discover what beliefs and fears are holding you back. None of us can choose the best course of action if we don’t understand the obstacle.
Start by simply noticing things—the choices you make, the way you respond to others. Just observe, be aware, and try not to judge yourself.
When we can’t seem to take a certain action or make a certain choice, when it feels like something alien inside is stopping us, it is likely that we are fighting, not against the thing itself, but against the emotion we expect to feel.
The next time you feel forced into a certain action, or unable to voice your true opinion, take a quiet moment afterward and think about what result you avoided by keeping quiet or going along with something you didn’t want to do. What did you fear would happen if you did say or do what you really wanted? How would that result have made you feel? What is it about that particular feeling that is so hard to face?